Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Or should it be the other way around? The title of this post is also the title of a book by Charles Swindoll. I used to listen to him daily on the radio and I bought his book. I need to find it and read it again. His title also appends Persevering Through Pressure. The description is:

Chuck Swindoll talks about standing firm when faced with life’s deepest problem, growing and finding spiritual help in lonely times of crisis and pain, and walking through setbacks to emerge a stronger person on the other side.

Last night was a sleepless one. I’d gone to bed a bit after 9 and went right off to the Land of Nod. I woke at 11 to go to the bathroom and that was the end of it. After that, I might doze a little but I watched the clock move through the hours until 5 a.m. I went to sleep and slept until 6:30. Big whoop. All this was in spite of taking half a dose of melatonin twice. What I understand about the hormone is that it will help one stay asleep but not go to sleep.

Maybe I shouldn’t do any figuring before I hit the hay. I’d gone to the Humana web site and figured up the charges billed YTD vs the co-pays. Total charges are $5,447.55 (the local hospital bills odd amounts) and my co-pays total $160. I’d say that isn’t bad at all. I’ve already paid the $60 so that’s $100 outstanding. However, it remains to be seen what the surgery will do to my budget. I didn’t call to get any information. What was done had to be done even if it ends up costing me thousands of dollars. I’d rather be broke than dead. Or worse off than dead. Gangrene is a very serious condition.

When I first started working at the little hospital, a man came in for gallbladder surgery. It started out as routine but then it was discovered he had gangrene. He was opened up, everything was done that could be done. The surgeon was a very skilled one and, after two weeks of intense treatment, the man was discharged alive. I’m thankful mine didn’t have a chance to get that far. But I still don’t have the pathology report…

Since I’m not taking pain pills any more, my cough has come back even more frequent than before. It’s so frustrating. I was enjoying being without it but I don’t want to be drugged all the time, either.

DD called and I spent the time we visited in bed. We discussed my physical condition but most of the conversation was about tiny houses. She doesn’t want to violate any codes by building one but it seems all the regulations are against a house with such a small amount of square footage. Maybe zoning laws will catch up and recognize them as permanent dwellings rather than recreational.

I’ve spent most of the day either in bed or in Mother’s chair. Something I can’t get used to is the fact that I get extremely weak and shaky if I don’t eat soon enough. I was in the kitchen fixing my evening meal when I had to put everything down and go sprawl on the bed for a few minutes. It’s like my body is drained of all energy.

I have to keep reminding myself that my sister’s experience is not mine. She had gallbladder surgery on a Friday, went to see our other sister on Sunday and helped deliver Meals on Wheels on Thursday. However, she wasn’t having to do everything for herself. I’m sure her husband was her biggest support system. He was like that. He would also have been the driver. Feeling the way I do, there’s no way I would get under the wheel and out on the road. I would be a danger to myself and others.

This morning, I called my cousin and asked her to pick a couple of things up for me when she went to Walmart. She said she’d be there later this week. On up in the afternoon, the phone rang and she was at Walmart! To the list I’d given her (Twinkle litter and almond milk) I added bananas. I have BANANAS! I ate my last one the day after my surgery, if I’m remembering correctly. And Twinkle’s cat box is much more pleasant.

We’ll see how this night goes. I do hope tomorrow is a better day.

4 Responses to Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

  1. Lila September 9, 2013 at 8:35 am #

    Certainly hope your day is off to a better start after a good night’s sleep! I’ll be looking forward to your report.

    • Tommie September 9, 2013 at 9:38 am #

      I’ll see how it goes and let you know. 😕

  2. Mary Jane September 9, 2013 at 10:18 am #

    You’re right–I didn’t have to drive! Or prepare food. And my gallbladder wasn’t in the bad shape yours was. Hope you slept last night. I’ll tell my experience in an e-mail.

    • Tommie September 9, 2013 at 10:24 am #

      I did sleep, and I knew your DH would have taken good care of you. That makes a big difference. I was already debilitated, too, from the prolonged attack. I have to remind myself not to be too hard on me for not “bouncing back”.

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