laughter is the best medicine thread

[peach]

That's one determined little piggie, I kind of felt sorry for him

[Tommie]

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator. Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration......

CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOTED TOO!

[peach]

groan!!!!......although I did laugh

[Tommie]

[Tommie]

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I live close so it's a short drive. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.
People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been there before.

[peach]

clever!!!

[Tommie]

A group of  15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for
dinner. Finally, they  agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the
Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy
Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
>>
>> 10  years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where
to meet  for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free
snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of
cute guys.
>>
>> 10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where
to meet for dinner. Finally, they  agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the cosmos were good, it  was right near the gym and,
if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too  many whiny little kids.
>>
>> 10 years  later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where
to meet for  dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because  the martinis were big and the waiters had tight
pants and nice buns.
>>
>> 10 years later, the group of 55-year-old  girlfriends discussed where
to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet  at the Ocean View
restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine  list was good,
the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of a hot  flashes), and
fish is good for cholesterol.
>>
>> 10  years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where
to meet  for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early
bird  special.
>>
>> 10 years later, the group of 75-years-old  girlfriends discussed
where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet  at the Ocean
View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the  restaurant
was handicapped-accessible.
>>
>> 10 years  later, the group of 85-years-old girlfriends discussed
where to meet for  dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean
View restaurant because  they had never been there before.

[peach]

I haven't laughed much lately but that one got a giggle out of me...thanks for that Tommie.

[Tommie]

Remember the topic! Laughter IS the best medicine! And you're welcome!

[peach]

Gingi sent me this one

 Fwd: Saying goodbye to Mother.

We were dressed, and ready to go out  for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering  machine on, covered our pet   parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and  requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the  house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat  shut in the house, because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while  I went back inside to get the cat . The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot  pursuit.  Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi  driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my  mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the  cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was  hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to  come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to  wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled  her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'  The cab driver hit a parked car.

[Tommie]

[Tommie]

Geography Lesson
Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
Geography of a Man
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.
THE END

[forgingi]

 

[shirrlene]

that cat one was soooo funny. 

[peach]

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:

"Windows frozen."

 

Husband texts back:

"Pour some luke warm water over it."

 

Wife texts back:

"Computer completely stuffed now."