Since they weren’t married yet, I consigned merm to the storage room where he slept on a futon they’d brought with them. DD slept in her room. During the day, merm enjoyed relaxing on the futon in front of the fireplace where the gas logs merrily burned.

The primary purpose for the visit (besides seeing me) was to introduce the two brothers to the prospective bridegroom. The first place we went was DS1′s. He and merm got along like a house afire. They shared similar interests in computers and, in fact, anything electronic. There was no lag in the conversation.

Where could that clue be?

This was during DS1′s avid interest in geocaching. He and DIL1 had set up a geocache in honor of my mother and it was decided that DD and merm should find it. DS1 printed off the clues and we set out. The hardest one to find was around a historical monument. DD and merm spent a long time locating it. DS1 and my granddaughter patiently waited.

We enjoyed watching them inspect every nook and cranny of the area within a few feet of the coordinates on the list.

It turned out this one was on a plastic encased paper taped to the bottom of one of the rails of the fence. They had to go through all sorts of contortions to read it.

Finally, the clues took us to the community building that’s also DS1′s polling place. They roamed all over the field and ended up at a telephone pole where there was a bird house. And that’s where the cache was! DD signed the log and merm donated a Metro card to the cache since the finder takes something and leaves something. It had been a successful trip.

After we left DS1 and my granddaughter at home, we continued on to DS2′s house. DS2 wasn’t too impressed. He later described merm as a “girly-man”. Anyone who doesn’t share his love for fishing and guns is automatically put into that category. However, merm made a hit with my DIL. She had recently subscribed to cable Internet and had been sent the equipment to install it. She didn’t have a clue where to start. That was when merm stepped in and took over. He had it hooked up and running in no time.

As it usually happens, the younger generation is more comfortable with computers than the older. My littler granddaughter had to demonstrate her expertise with the mouse.

We piled back into the rental car and made our way home. Within a couple of days, DD and merm headed back to New York. It had been so nice to have them around. The house seemed empty without them. I didn’t know what might keep me occupied now. It’s definitely a blessing not to be able to see into the future.

The phone rang when I was back home and in the process of changing my clothes. It was DD. We had our weekly visit then an important appointment took her away. I finished unloading the car and got busy fixing something to eat.

Monday was a red-letter day because it was merm’s first day at the new job. From all reports, everything went well. I have faith that it will continue to be that way.

This week has had a pretty good balance of sunshine and rain. It’s made for a nice change. I was able to get out and sit in the sun several days, including today. We’ve had our share of downpours, though, with thunder, lightning and the threat of tornadoes. People get understandably nervous when weather like that moves through.

I’ve had visits with DS1 and my younger granddaughter. The reason for the latter was the need for a donation for the Fun Run at her school. I gave a paltry amount and put it in the mail the next day. Then there’s the wedding shower tomorrow…YIKES!

I’d gone out to my neighbor’s pump house the other day to get a potato to bake as a reward for being down by eight lubs when I noticed the lamp I’d referred to last week as being discarded. There it was, sitting in the pump house across from the basket of potatoes. I emailed my neighbor and told her I’d seen it and asked what I could use to clean it up. She said it was funny, that she had mentioned to her husband that she was going to do just that and set it on the deck to see if I’d notice it! She said she’d get it done this weekend. How about that! Two minds…

Yesterday, after I got through sunning, I walked to the mailbox and, on my way back, a splotch of yellow caught my eye. I dashed to the house to get my camera.

My mother would call them “daffy down dillies”. There was lots of greenery with buds but this was the only one that I saw that was brave enough to bloom.

I’ve finally gotten back into the swing of walking. Most days, I’ve managed around 11 to 12k steps. Of course, the music isn’t what I listen to on Sabbath so I take the seventh day off. It will be back to it tomorrow, though. I believe it’s helping with the calorie burn, too. Yesterday, I was down by eight lubs in the challenge but it was seven today. Of course, I weighed about an hour and a half earlier than usual, too. That can make a big difference. DID YOU KNOW THAT??!

Speaking of this morning, I made it to the church a little early and found the pianist talking to one of the ladies in the back of the sanctuary. There was a chorale rehearsing on the platform. I didn’t have a clue what was going on. When I asked, the pianist didn’t have much of an idea, herself. She went up front to talk to the accompanist and came back to report that the group would be having Sabbath School and I would play for church as usual. Things turned out better than I expected them to, I’m thankful to say. It would be nice to be notified beforehand, though.

My signal light was nowhere to be seen. I talked to yet another of the men only to be told he doesn’t have a key to the church. Maybe next week…

The program was very good today. The chorale did a beautiful job on the two numbers they did and the song services were rousing. It was nice to be able to have a break from playing. If the accompanist had been familiar with our order of service, I would have prevailed upon her to play for church. She played beautifully.

Of course, the order of service is subject to change, too. The elder in charge today called for the offering before the prayer requests and praises so I had to quickly flip to the offertory. Then, when he got up to do the requests and praises, he laughed and said he wanted to see if we were paying attention. Well, YES! I don’t take anything for granted.

The pastor preached an excellent sermon. He has come a long way in the years since he first came to our church.

I’ve had a quiet afternoon. I ate a bit too much but my goal in the challenge is five pounds so I have a little cushion—in more ways than one. As I was leaving, an old friend asked if I wouldn’t be staying for lunch. I said no, that I didn’t want to sabotage myself in the weight loss area. He made my day. “Weight loss? You don’t need to lose weight! You are perfect just the way you are.” It’s nice that he thinks so. I told him I didn’t want to lose my $25. “You have to pay to lose weight??” I quickly explained that there are nine of us involved and the ones who reach goal get to split the pot.

About that, I feel kind of bad because I got sick right at the beginning and had to force myself to eat. The first few lubs I lost were because of that. I kind of got a head start and not in the right way, either. I have stuck with it, but I still feel sorta like I’ve cheated. It will be over on Wednesday and we’ll see what happens. I’m the only person who weighs in every day so, for all I know, EVERYONE may reach goal. It’s only the first weigh in and the last that really mean anything, anyway.

Amazon has notified me of price changes on some of my subscribe and save items. The only one that went down in price is one that I’m skipping this time. Coconut oil went up a dollar so I’ll skip it, too. At least they make it easy.

As my sister would say, “Life on the edge.”

Taking the wilted sprigs out of the bag, I cut the ends off with a sharp knife. Don’t use scissors for this. They will crush the stems. Then I stuck the whole thing in a jar of purified water.

It looked pretty sad and I was wondering if I should write it off as a loss and discard it. I decided to give it a chance, though. I was glad I did because here’s what it looked like a few hours later:

Now, I’m not saying that the nutritional value was as much as when it was freshly picked but it made it salvageable. This will also work with salad greens and tougher greens like collards and kale. If the water is hot (not so hot you can’t put your hand in it) it works even more quickly.

While fresh produce should be used as soon as possible for maximum value, it isn’t always possible. Keep this in mind for your next emergency resuscitation.

The birthday itself fell on Sabbath and for any little celebrant in Sabbath School, it was a landmark occasion. She was dressed in her finest.

Children who could repeat their memory verse had their hands stamped as a reward. Her birthday warranted lots of stamping and she was thrilled.

When all was said and done, she was a little pensive because it was over.

Well, that part was but the next day, we were all set up again in the wind tunnel aka the picnic shelter at the Imagination Station. This year, the theme was “My Little Pony” complete with a cake with my granddaughter’s picture.

Before it was cut, Mom and daughter posed for a picture.

She looked like, “Enough, already!”

My other daughter-in-law and granddaughter were there for the festivities.

After the picnic, cake-slaughtering and present opening, there was the real fun. She was getting old enough that she could run and climb with the best of them.

She was really pleased with herself because she could slide all alone this year.

As for me, it was fortunate that I didn’t care a whole lot for cake. I had enough sinful food favorites to make up for it. I wasn’t one to get up in the middle of the night to snack but watching TV wasn’t watching TV unless I had something to munch on and it showed.

Halloween had rolled around once again and it was time to do the dress up gig. I decided I would show my true self and went as an old hag.

You could see that, while I might have a lot of problems, a lack of appetite wasn’t one of them.

A big deal was the pumpkin carving. Below are a few of the ones done that year. The first one is sort of poking fun at the people who insist on smoking even though they have breathing problems.

I thought this one was particularly creative:

The next big deal was Homecoming. My granddaughter was dressed in a new outfit and was glad to pose so I could take pictures.

What made this Homecoming even more special than usual was the Reunion Concert by all the members of the singing group my son had sung with for several years. The pipe organ was the backdrop.

This is about half of the group that was on the platform. DS1 is wearing a black suit and standing to the left of the podium.

There was a get-together meal afterward with quite a spread of food. As luck would have it, we sat with another of the singers and his wife. It was during the stuffing of my face that I found out she was an old flame’s daughter. She insisted on taking a picture of me to show her father. I wasn’t too happy with that turn of events and glared into the camera. The picture was probably on a par with my Halloween one. There was one thing that was sure—I wouldn’t hear from him as a result.

I’d been out to the garage on Friday to get some things out of the freezer. My supply of cooked fava beans would be zilch after breakfast on Sabbath. Saturday night, I almost forgot to put them to soak but I remembered just in time. Sunday morning, when I took the lid off the pan, I was greeted with the usual giant beans staring up at me. People have a hard time understanding just how big the beans are so I thoroughly washed a quarter and took some pictures so I can answer the question once and for all.

As usual, you can click on the picture to see a larger size.

I’m still spending a lot of time in Mother’s chair though I was able to start exercising again on Wednesday. I managed almost 8,000 steps that day and 11,000 both Thursday and Friday. I’ve been walking to the mailbox, too. My periods of exertion are getting longer and longer. I actually even made a batch of Super Duper Gut Bombettes on Thursday and took a couple over to my neighbor. The Bombettes are a bit smaller than the Bombs because I’m trying not to sabotage myself. There’s still the weight loss challenge, you know.

This morning, I had the alarm set for 6 a.m. I “snoozed” it until almost 6:30. There was a rip-roarin’ storm going on and it was nice to just lie there and listen to the rain.

I managed to make it to church a tad early but my trip to the bathroom delayed my arrival at the organ. Today convinced me that it takes some effort to play the organ for both Sabbath School and church with two song services. By the time it was over, I was tired. The signal light has never been put back on the organ so someone has to open the door beside me to let me know the people are ready to go out on the platform. Today, I was so absorbed in my playing, I didn’t notice the elder trying to get my attention. The pastor’s wife came up and let me know. After church was over, I told said elder that I’m going on strike if something isn’t done. It’s distracting, to say the least, and embarrassing at the worst.

I hadn’t coughed at all while I was in the building but when I got outside and started breathing the cold damp air, I started in hacking like I was a few days ago. As soon as I could get in the car and go, I went. There was a fellowship meal today–I don’t know why because the regular ones are on the second and fourth Sabbaths of the month. It isn’t unusual not to be notified of such but I wouldn’t have stayed, anyway. I let a couple of people know that I won’t be going to prayer meeting until the weather improves and the days get longer. Guess I’m getting Up There.

Tomorrow, there is some kind of food party at the home of one of the members. I’d thought about going but I don’t think I will. There’s lots to do here at home to get caught up to where I was (which was behind) so I believe it would be better to spend my energy that way.

I’ve been looking at floor lamps so I can see to read while I’m sitting in Mother’s chair. I have yet to find one that I’d want that’s affordable. The one I had was brass and it got wet and grew awful green stuff so I put it out to be discarded. Maybe Goodwill?

The weather this week has been dismal, mostly. There was one day I could sit in the sun. That’s not enough. When I drove home today, it was through a think pea-soup fog. Tuesday is the first day we are supposed to get an appreciable amount of sun. At least I have that to look forward to.

Sunday, I got up after little sleep and almost passed out when I was doing my weigh-in. My appetite was practically non-existent. I forced myself to squeeze some oranges (thank God for my citrus juicer) and I heated up my fava beans. Other than that, I ate a couple of Clementines and drank lots of water. I didn’t attempt to give myself my B-12 shot. The serum (is that what it is?) was so low in the vial it was hard to draw up in the best of times and these were far from the best.

My weight was plummeting which was understandable since I was taking in very little in the way of nourishment. I spent a lot of the day in bed.

That night was like so many of the previous ones had been–cough cough cough for hours on end. I’d look at the clock whenever I’d get up to go to the bathroom. The hours crawled by.

Monday, I was getting down to my lowest ebb. Once again, lights started flashing and then going dark when I was weighing myself. After I managed to drink a quart of water and took my thyroid meds, I went back to bed. I was lying there, crying, in the depths of a pity party. I was wondering, if I died, how long it would take for someone to find my body. After I’d sobbed my feelings out to God, the phone rang and it was one of the ladies from church. She hadn’t known I was so sick and assured me she would come see me if she had time–but she didn’t have time. I was glad because I wasn’t up to entertaining company or having a protracted conversation but it was nice to know she cared. Before we hung up, she had prayer for me.

I crept around and fixed OJ and fava beans that afternoon. Thankfully, the last time I had cooked fava beans, there had been more than usual and there was a good supply in the freezer compartment of the fridge.

A lot of my day was spent in bed but when I checked my email or Facebook from time to time, both of my NC sisters indicated their willingness to come take care of me while I was sick. Several Facebook friends were either leaving encouraging messages or praying for me or both. My neighbor let me know, once again, that she was right next door. I wasn’t alone after all.

Monday night was more of the same–coughing coughing coughing. And more coughing. At least when I got up and did my weigh-in on Tuesday, I didn’t almost pass out. In the challenge, I’m supposed to lose five lubs. I was already down by four. People were impressed. I wasn’t. I was sick. I’d trade feeling good any day for losing weight.

Tuesday morning, I drank a 16 ozzie glass of water, went back to bed and slept for a full hour without coughing. I’d found the answer! That night, I drank 16 ozzies of water and went to bed. I wasn’t going to cough. I grabbed a couple of Ricola out of the closet in the bathroom and smiled. I wouldn’t be using them. There were already three on my bedside table. I was sure the five would be there when I got up in the morning.

That was the worst night I can ever remember having in all my life. I coughed. And coughed. And coughed some more. I ate Ricola. I coughed so hard once in the night, I pulled a muscle in my groin. Once, when I was able to go to sleep, I woke myself coughing. I was wrapped up in the cover and was wet with sweat. I vowed I would shed my attitude of being too good to take medicine and I would contact my PCP if I made it through the night.

When I did contact him, he asked if I wanted to be seen that morning. There was no way on God’s (green?) earth I could drive to the office and I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to expose him/herself to whatever I had to take me. I wasn’t sick enough to go in an ambulance so no. If he could call something in, I could have my neighbor pick it up. He called in some Robitussin AC, Zithromax and a vial of B-12. I called the pharmacy and let them know I would NOT be taking the Zithromax. My neighbor picked up the other two.

My tremor was so bad, I slopped the medicine all over the place trying to pour it with my left hand and hold the spoon with my right. What I needed was a medicine cup.

That night was the first night I slept in over a week. I mean really slept. Up until then, it had been a few hours here, a few minutes there and most of that fitfully. I told one of my sisters on Sunday, “I cannot sleep! I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since I don’t know when. I KNOW I didn’t sleep well Wednesday through last night. Last night, I may have slept for an hour. I never took myself for an insomniac. I’m praying about it. I don’t want to go completely loony because of a lack of rest.” I’d been so desperate, I remember praying that, rather than be crazy from lack of sleep, God would allow me to die. Here I am, so that wasn’t part of His plan.

I searched for a medicine cup but didn’t find one anywhere. Once again, my neighbor came to my rescue. As soon as I asked, she was at my front door with one. Medicine-taking since then has been a breeze.

With all the coughing and lying around, my back was suffering. I got the heating pad merm gave me for Christmas and put it in one of the chairs I’d bought from my Mother’s estate. EVERY TIME I’d get up for something, I’d come back and Twinkle would have taken my place. Once, she didn’t move when I started to sit down and she yelped when I sat on her. One of my Facebook friends had mentioned her husband and her dog had had their own heating pads so I got out my old one, wrapped it in a towel and put it in a chair for Twinkle.

Only once since then has she offered to sit in my chair for me. I have everything I need right here. My notebook computer is on the My Place Cozy I got several Christmases ago. In the picture, that must be the smallest computer ever because I have no room whatsoever for a mouse. My MagicJack is hooked up to my netbook in the kitchen and I have one of the phones right beside me. Not a bad setup. Now, if I had a wireless print server…

The cough medicine left me in a bit of a fog on Thursday and again yesterday. Night before last, I had to get up and take some more about 1 a.m. and, while it’s supposed to be taken every 4-6 hours, it made me kind of loopy. I’d called my neighbor yesterday, demanding to know if she had gotten my order by mistake. Well, no. Well, I had ordered sunshine and it was yet to arrive. She figured I was feeling no pain.

This morning, SUNSHINE!! My neighbor posted on my Facebook wall, “looks like your order came in” and it had! It was up to 32 degrees and little to no wind so I bundled up and basked for 15 minutes. Lovely!

I’ve eaten more today so tomorrow’s weigh-in will probably bear that out. With the temperature up to 42 this afternoon, I walked to the mailbox for the first time in a week, went to the garage to get some things out of the freezer and Pooky didn’t even bark at me. I’m getting stronger. I may feel up to washing dishes tomorrow. We’ll have to wait and see how I feel about exercising. My pedometer is on the counter in the bathroom and has been there for days.

Good things have happened this week, too. I got word that merm got a job as research manager at a major company. We are all excited over that. Now, no one in our family is jobless. I went “back to work” yesterday and put up another project on the construction web site. Things are looking up.

Since many offspring born close to Christmas get presents wrapped in Christmas wrapping, I always tried not to have that happen with DS2. This year, I did it one better. I’d ordered his present from Amazon, flagged it as a gift with no wrapping paper. Now, you might think that’s cold and heartless but why pay $5 for something that will be garbage, anyway? I called to sing happy birthday and he seemed just as thrilled as he would have with the trimmings.

I never did get to town to get any black-eyed peas. Fava beans had to suffice. My “greens” were an artichoke. If I go completely broke this year, you’ll know why. If wealth depends on the amount of peas I ate on NYD, I’m in bad trouble.

My neighbor/cousin/doctor/friend got sick and was nowhere to be seen for several days. That’s not the norm at all. I didn’t have charcoal to give her (she probably has a good supply herself) so I made a pot of lentil soup and shared. She actually liked it!! I noticed her van was gone today so she must be feeling a lot better.

As for me and myself, I’m puny. On Wednesday, I went down the mountain to visit the various stores selling groceries. It was also the day that merm had selected to start a diet challenge to recycle fat. I got home, unloaded, and mostly put things away. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so I had supper and set out to visit Genese and go to prayer meeting. A hot topic was the Bug that’s going around. Well, I don’t know where it found me but it found me.

One of the requirements of the challenge is that merm will post our beginning and ending weight from pictures that we (there are nine of us participating) send. I’m weighing with the Wii Fit so I emailed a picture of the screen. On Thursday, I was down by more than I charted but I figured it was from dehydration. Here’s where I am currently (no weight numbers are posted for me).

I started out in first place, then got bumped to second and am back to first. I have no idea what the “activities” are that I’m supposed to get extra points for participation. Neither do I know what the extra points would do. When I click on the activities link, it doesn’t go anywhere.

I called my neighbor to check on her and get some info so I could post a project on her web site. She was feeling better. That was good because as soon as I hung up and started to work getting the pictures uploaded, I felt like I’d been hit by a ton of bricks. I felt awful. I managed to get through the day but barely and I have yet to do that project.

And talk about lazy! Wednesday night, it was 12:15 a.m. before I got up to put more cover on the bed so I was cold for about three hours. That didn’t help the way I felt. Thursday night, I coughed so much I couldn’t sleep. I’d taken some ACF that night but my mistake was not taking it sooner. I’ve been taking it since then, too. Maybe it will work soon. Something I’ve noticed—I have a hard time pouring it without spilling. I have to pour with my left hand (the one with the tremor) and a lot slops around that doesn’t get taken. Guess I should pour over a saucer.

Last night was the annual Agape Feast and I’d planned to go. There was no way. Midday, I called the pianist to let her know I wouldn’t be there for that or for church today. She wished me well but ominously said that this Bug hangs on a long time.

Last night, I dug up an ancient bottle of cough medicine, prayed it wouldn’t kill me and took a spoonful. I was desperate for sleep.

In spite of the cough medicine, I still coughed. As soon as I would start drifting off to sleep, something would wake me up. Not anything specific. I might think of something and go off on a tangent. I woke this morning feeling like something Twinkle drug in. I think it messed up my stomach, too, because I’ve had little appetite today. Guess that’s good for the challenge.

I’ve been using the heating pad merm sent me for Christmas on my back. So much sitting and lying around doesn’t do it (my back) any good.

My attempt at keeping some herbs alive this winter has about bitten the dust. The cilantro is struggling but the dill gave up completely. The dill outside still has some usable growth. It’s survived several nights where the temperature got down to the mid-teens. How much longer it will make it is anyone’s guess. My neighbors got me a mini-greenhouse for Christmas but it’s still empty. I should get some things started for it. It’s pretty heavy but the winds have been, too, and it’s out there, blown over.

Late this afternoon, I heard something hit the house. I went outside and looked but didn’t see anything. At least a tree didn’t fall on it. (Update: The cutting board fell on the floor. Nothing hit the house.)

My evening meal was about an hour later than I like it to be. I finally felt up to stomaching something. My belief that it’s about as important WHEN you eat as WHAT you eat. I’ve been training my system to eat earlier and earlier and 4 o’clock is the latest I try for. I don’t always make it but when I do, I feel triumphant.

I’m fighting sleep. I know if I go to bed too early, I’ll wake in the wee hours but I may give in, anyway. We’ll see.

I’d discovered Niedlov’s baked goods. Their Wholely Whole Wheat bread, toasted, smeared with mashed up avocado was wonderful. Then there was the bread from the bakery at (who knew?) Wally World. It was a sourdough-type with whole cloves of roasted garlic all through it. It was especially good fried in coconut oil.

One afternoon when I got home from work, I was sitting at my computer checking my email. It was aggravating how long it took since I was on dialup and that added to the stress I already felt. Suddenly, there was pain in my chest that went into my neck and then radiated into my jaws. I started breathing deeply and stretched as tall as I could while still sitting down. I willed myself through it and gradually it subsided. No way was I going to go to the ER. If I’d just had a “heart episode” it wouldn’t show up on an EKG, anyway, since it was already over.

Since I had dialup, I also had Callwave. When I was online, if there was a call coming in, Callwave would answer it. I could call the person back or ignore it if I chose. It worked out wonderfully well for Mother because she could leave a message and I’d call her on my dime. Her messages were quite entertaining. Talking to her was an adventure because she couldn’t hear well and I’d have to repeat things over and over. She had hearing aids but she’d take the one out of her “phone ear” because it would whistle if anything got too close.

Mother did so want to go back to her home on the mountain. She started having flights of fancy and tell me she was going to buy the house. There was no use arguing with her so I went along with the plan. She’d say, “Oh, if only Tom hadn’t died!” (Tom was my father.) She was 100 so he would have been 111 had he lived. She chose to ignore it when I’d point out that fact. Occasionally, I’d get a letter from her and the handwriting that had once been so firm showed her age. Her eyesight was failing in spite of her lens implants so my brother-in-law gave her a pen with a broad tip so she could see what she was writing.

She was still living alone with considerable support from family members. My sister who lived just down the driveway from her would make sure she had her daily medications (which were numerous). My other NC sister and her husband would go see her as often as they could and my brother-in-law would do minor repairs. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren would drop in, too. There was little time for her to feel lonely or ignored. It couldn’t be denied though, that Mother’s health was failing. She had enough to be concerned about without knowing what I was going through so I never mentioned it. Lately, much of what I said didn’t register with her, anyway. It was like she was in her own world.

I was in my own world, too, and I had no idea what might happen next.

Let’s see…Back in January, we were having some really rough weather. First, there was freezing rain with snow on top of that. I hadn’t known one Sabbath that services had been canceled so I ventured out to go to church and that’s when I saw a car sliding down the mountain road sideways. Next, it snowed more and kept me from going to work.

The weather turned bitterly cold and the water pipe coming to the house froze. I carried snow in and thawed it on the stove so I could at least wash my hands. That was on a Thursday. I hadn’t been to work all that week but I had to gear up and go in on Friday so I could take a shower. By mid-afternoon the next day the water thawed. My cousin/neighbor was in Florida working on a renovation and she took me to task for not going to her house to shower, get water, etc. I didn’t want to disturb her husband but I promised I’d swallow my pride and go if it happened again.

February saw two people, both younger than me, retiring from the hospital. It was a low blow—especially since one was from my department. That meant I would have to start interviewing for a replacement. I talked it over with the rest of the staff and they preferred getting someone to fill in rather than a person to actually take her place. That meant they would get their 37.5 hours vs 32. I played “Let’s Make a Deal” with those above me and the plan was approved. I would still have to interview candidates and that was something I dearly despised to do.

March came along and I finally found someone qualified who was willing to take the PRN position. It was also in March that I had to revamp my routine so I could wake up, have my devotions, eat breakfast, exercise with the Wii, shower and dress before I went to work. That required my getting up at 4:30 every morning.

“They” say you can make some of the people happy all the time and all of the people happy some of the time but, in my case, neither one was true. Try as I might, I couldn’t make anyone happy any time it seemed. I started praying in earnest that I would be able to retire. I couldn’t believe it was possible and expressed that during Sabbath School class one week. One of the ladies declared my not going ahead and doing it showed a lack of faith on my part. I thought, “She doesn’t have a clue what it would take” but her statement stuck with me.

I’d hired someone in March but, with all the red tape of getting a new person oriented and tested, it was April before she could actually start in the office. Even though she was more or less “eased” into the position, it was overwhelming and many a day, she was fighting the tears when she’d go home. She often wondered if she would have the courage to come back. She lost sleep and I had to spend a lot of time assuring her she was doing a good job. The last person I’d hired before her lasted for a whole three days.

Stress was taking its toll on everyone. I was still having severe headaches and when I’d close my eyes, I would often feel like I was going to fall forward. No one in the office was happy to have me as a boss and I wasn’t happy being one. My job was a mystery to them and they felt I should do my work and theirs, too. That went on all summer and my dissatisfaction with my job grew proportionately. There were a couple of people in the office that I felt were “on my side” but when twice that many aren’t, digs are hard to ignore.

There were a couple of meltdowns that resulted in conferences with the Powers That Be. I hated every minute of it. The job I used to enjoy had become a burden. It was a way to keep a roof over Twinkle’s and my heads and food on the table. Nothing more. Drudgery from the time I got there until the time I left. The only times I enjoyed were the times I would be called out of the office to work on someone’s computer. That I could do and it made people happy.

Summer came and I half-heartedly planted a few things. I wasn’t inspired to do much of anything. My days were divided up into two sections—not wanting to be at work and not wanting to go to work. Even the weekends were spent dreading Mondays. There were a few bright spots but they were always overshadowed by the specter of the hospital. One of the girls told me later she could tell I was being beaten down by the almost constant conflict. I couldn’t resolve it and I couldn’t avoid it.

In June, DD came to visit. She was here for a whole glorious week. I’d taken off time before and time after and it was as if I were a bird out of a cage. It was over much too soon and I had to Go Back.

July, plans were being made to go see my friend I’d learned back in May was, in fact, not dead but in federal prison. It wasn’t until August they materialized. I believe it was also in July that an inservice was first mentioned at work that would involve all the employees. I remember thinking, “Ain’t gonna do it.”

Years ago, merm had set up a budget spreadsheet for me. I searched and searched until I found it in my gmail (LOVE gmail!). I started fiddling with it and tweaking it. When I’d get home from work, I would pull it up and play with the numbers. At first, it looked as if there were no way I could retire but I kept at it. I “prayed without ceasing.”

I requested my pension amount from Human Resources and it didn’t come. Time after time, I emailed and finally, my message was forwarded to someone else to handle. Seems the floodgates had been opened and many people were retiring from the system.

My headaches were getting worse. The nurse practitioner I had seen in November 2009 had hazarded a guess that I could have a brain tumor. I had to know. I’d had a new PCP since June and he didn’t hesitate when I asked him for an order to have a CT scan. The “new” scanner was great—when I was positioned on the table, it zoomed up and down and the test was over in almost no time. I went out to where the tech and the trainer were both examining my films. They pointed out my eyes (two of them) and the absence of anything other than my brain and “it isn’t guaranteed to work.”

So…if I didn’t have a brain tumor, it had to be stress causing my headaches and balance problems. My stress was coming from work. I had to retire.

Several days later, an envelope came from Human Resources. It was marked “Personal and Confidential”. It was the calculation for my pension. The number stated on it was close to what I’d prayed it would be. Praise the Lord, I could retire.

I waited until September 2 to turn in my notice. I had to give four weeks and the 30th would be my last day. My replacement was hired in a few days (many people felt it had been in the works for a while and maybe it was) and I was down to marking time. I cleaned out the desk and organized it while she did a semblance of what was supposed to be done. I wasn’t concerned. It would be her baby when I was gone and I was all but gone then.

After my retirement party and sendoff, I was gone like a bat out of you-know-where. I haven’t been back. I’ve been to the nursing home to see Genese and I’m Facebook friends with a few of the employees but I’m still reluctant to set foot in the hospital. I’m sure I will someday but that time hasn’t come yet. I’ve heard from a couple of people but it’s like “out of sight, out of mind”.

The rest of the year has been spent recuperating. Years of stress have taken their toll and I feel like I’ve aged far more than my 67 years. My energy level is better some days than others but I guess that’s true of anyone. One thing is sure, I’m so thankful not to have to look forward to zooming down the mountain on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday (except for prayer meeting).

Now, I only have to zoom around the house and post online. The site I’ve set up for G&D Construction is an ongoing project. Check it out and leave your comments! I would have thought I’d have more things squared away before this so maybe I should make that New Year’s resolution after all…

And now, on to 2012!!

Said acquaintance had inquired about her health and wanted to know how old she was. I told him I knew better than to tell. Mother had cautioned all of us that there are two things you never ask a lady—how old she is and how much she weighs. She’d also given us The Look and said we should NEVER reveal how long she had been on Planet Earth. The man gazed into the distance and said, “Well, she must be about 104.” That made her livid. She said, “I am not! I’m only 100!” With that, she decreed that her birthday celebration should be published in the hometown newspaper. She wasn’t going to have people thinking she was older than she actually was.

The morning of the birthday, DD had sent flowers in lieu of her being there in person.

My oldest sister had come in from Colorado for the occasion and posed for me to take her picture.

Mother was taking it easy on her birthday and reading the mail while I fixed my breakfast.

I was still using coconut oil to cook with. I’d brought my own supply. Trending toward becoming vegan, I had switched from real cheese to rice cheese. Soy and I had parted the way long before when I found that my thyroid didn’t like it. The rice cheese seemed, to me, to be a worthy alternative. It didn’t have too many unpronounceables in the list of ingredients.

The birthday dinner was still several hours away so I wanted something that would “stay with me” until it came around. Getting out the skillet, I liberally slathered two pieces of bread with the coconut oil (it was a HEALTHY fat, you know), put a piece of the rice cheese between them and put the sandwich into the skillet. Oh, I loved grilled cheese sandwiches! The rice cheese even sort of melted into a semblance of goo. When I was pregnant with DS2, I craved grilled cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise, mustard, pickles and onion. I’d brought my own Vegenaise (it was the grapeseed variety with a minimal amount of soy in it). Mother had the other condiments on hand so I piled them on.

Sitting down at the table, I prepared to enjoy my repast. Mother was used to my strange eating habits so she didn’t comment. She’d told me earlier she wished I’d lose weight. I got through eating and went to brush my teeth, shower and get ready for the birthday celebration.

Within an hour or two, I started feeling queasy. There was a sharp pain in my back, too. I soldiered on and didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to spoil the happy day.

The time came for the gathering at my sister’s house. I’d taken my camera but when I tried to take a picture of Mother and her birthday cake, nothing happened. My camera’s batteries were dead and I didn’t have any spares along. That was okay. There would be plenty of other picture-taking.

Sitting at the table, I picked at the food on my plate. I didn’t feel like eating anything. I’d taken mostly salad but I couldn’t choke it down. When the cake was cut (it was one of my sister’s specialties), I asked for a very small piece and no ice cream. I ate one bite and couldn’t eat any more. Mother looked at me with concern. It wasn’t like me not to eat.

When the dinner and gift-unwrapping were over, we went back to Mother’s house just down the driveway. I took up residence on the couch where I could have my back supported. I had never been so miserable in my life. My stomach hurt. My back hurt. I kept thinking about the people who would come into the ER with chronic back pain and how we were so cavalier about it. I was getting paid back for all the times I poo-pooed their complaints.

The pain kept getting worse. I was writhing and pressing my back into the back of the couch. Mother fussed over me and felt frustrated because she didn’t know what to do to make me feel better. I knew what had done me in—it was that grilled cheese sandwich. The knowledge didn’t help at all. I still felt like I was dying.

Hours later, the attack was finally over and my gallbladder settled down.

When I got back to work, the x-ray department had gotten a new ultrasound machine and they needed a guinea pig. I volunteered for a gallbladder ultrasound. The tech squirted the goosh on my belly and proceeded to prod and probe. She leaned into the monitor for a better look and I could tell by her expression that she was concerned. She turned the monitor so I could see it, too. Pointing out the different organs, she said, “That’s your gallbladder. I can’t read the ultrasound but I can tell you have enough stones in there to make a necklace.” That was comforting.

In those days, the radiologist read everything—even the test films. My ultrasound was read and the results were sent to my PCP. His surgeon sister was in the office while my PCP was elsewhere. She had one of the girls call me to come in for an appointment. It was her considered opinion that I should have surgery to have my gallbladder removed. She could set it up to be done almost immediately. I told her I didn’t want to do that and left.

When I got home, I started Googling. I found a simple gallbladder flush and ordered the herbal preparation that was to precede it. When it came, I started taking the herbs. I finished them up on Friday. Sabbath, I ate lightly and Saturday night, I started the flush. I wanted to be home for the resulting dashing to and from the bathroom.

Sunday, I spent most of my time doing just that and passed a large number of “stones” (that I found out later were probably solidified olive oil). I’d seen pictures of stones online so I took pictures of mine, too. I have no idea where they are so you are spared seeing them.

I have no idea if it helped, but I didn’t have another attack for a long time and I never had one as bad as the one at Mother’s.

Weeks went by and one day I got a bill for $200 in the mail. It was from my PCP’s surgeon sister’s billing office. She wasn’t a participating provider with my insurance so it had been denied. I called the office and told them I hadn’t asked to see her. She had initiated the office visit. It wasn’t something I wanted or needed. They wrote the balance off. It was a good thing because I had no intention of paying it.

I was being more careful about what I ate but I didn’t have any intention of eating JUST raw food.