All Better Now

I keep forgetting to ask Cuz if she’s brought the other two handsets from the mountain. I hope so. I’d like to have one by/on the bed (I don’t know how it could be BY the bed) and one on the table by my chair. The other could be kept in the kitchen or wherever the others might want to use it. It doesn’t depend on a signal like a cell phone does, it keeps a charge for a LONG time, compared to a cell phone and it’s a flat monthly rate to call anywhere in the US and Canada. That would make it nice for my CIL to call his mom in California. Since it wears me out to talk, I won’t be using it just to chat.

It was mid-afternoon before the nurse got here. The only thing she said about hospice was that she had checked and I’d be able to go to the ER for breathing problems BUT they’d prefer I get in touch with them first. Anything else (fall resulting in injury, cuts, etc.), no problem.

She didn’t mention an end date and seemed pleased that the aide will be coming twice a week for my shower. She was also impressed that my doctor had called to check on me. I don’t know why it is that my BP is higher when she checks it as it is with anyone else. Perhaps it was because I was recovering from talking on the phone. I’d talked to the nurse from Humana, and I’d paid two bills via phone. That could do it. I was just hanging up when she came in.

Supper was quite large and I did enjoy it when it was going down but it was evidently a little much since it didn’t set well. I had pinto beans, fried potatoes, fried okra, half a stuffed pepper and a roll. The fried foods weren’t greasy at all so I don’t think they had anything to do with it. The stuffed pepper has cashew gravy and is quite rich. It could be that everything in combination was too heavy.

IF I’d been able to blog, I was going to share what DD gave me permission to use. If she had said no, I would have respected her decision. She didn’t require it when I said I wouldn’t identify her if she said not to. I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to post it because she said it so well. I figured that, by today, the subject matter would have been swept away by some other breaking news and it wouldn’t be timely but that wasn’t the case. The issue of Donald Trump sexually assaulting women is still alive and well.

As her mother, I knew something had happened. Early in her life, something had but it had been handled and I’d warned her about Boys. I know it left its mark but I also knew it couldn’t have been the only time something had gone wrong. She’s a very private person, though, so I didn’t ever try to “grill” her. I knew that, if she wanted to tell me, she would. I learned from my mother not to go where I wasn’t wanted. She was as good at interrogation as anyone professionally trained and I didn’t want to be that parent. Maybe I was wrong. I don’t know. I do know I can’t go back and do things differently, in any case. But, now, on to what she posted on Facebook in answer to the Trump video.

Many of us women (and yes, men, too) have experienced sexual assault to one degree or another, or if we haven’t experienced sexual assault, we’ve experienced passive and/or blatant sexism. For people who haven’t experienced it, it can have long-term psychological–and sometimes physical — impact, and requires a lot of time to cope and heal and feel worthy again. And when people — men and women — try to blow it off or say ‘just get over it,’ they are essentially discounting the truth of that person’s experience and making them feel less-than again. You cannot simply get over sexual assault — it takes tremendous work, strength, and courage. I’ve personally spent years trying to deal with my own experiences, and it was only within the last few years that I finally came to a place of healing thanks to my therapist. To my friends who think that Trump is still qualified to be president, consider your friends and family who have experienced sexual abuse and ask yourself if he’s a good role model for both your sons and daughters or nieces and nephews. The things he says shouldn’t be brushed off as ‘locker room talk’ (and I’ve seen a lot of posts from athletes saying that they don’t hear this stuff in locker rooms), and we should expect more from our president. I know that this is a tricky election and I have very mixed feelings still about it, but if nothing else he’s said (racist, xenophobic, militant, etc.) has motivated you to consider other options, then I hope that his recently surfaced comments has you realizing that he is not fit to be president. And to my friends who say he’s Christian, he embodies nothing Christ-like in my opinion. There is a verse in the Bible that was frequently quoted when I was growing up (‘By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another’ -John 13:35), and I took it for granted that I would be safe and secure around Christians regardless of religion because their motives would always be love-based (obviously not always true). I would not feel safe if left alone in a room with Donald Trump. I would not feel safe if he were president, because not only would he do damage, but his behavior and rhetoric gives and would give license to those who aren’t motivated by love to do harm and spread hate. He’s already done this during this election season. I can only imagine what chaos would happen during his presidency.

Perhaps I should have shared that in a post all its own because talking about myself again seems a bit distracting but back to my mundane existence.

Coughing and hacking took up a large part of my night. I’d asked for my warming blanket for my chair and the comforter has been put on the bed to be used or thrown aside, whatever the temperature dictates. I usually tucked the tissues under the comforter so they wouldn’t fall behind the bed but I didn’t last night. This morning, there were three or four on the bed and a large number that had fallen behind it.

This morning, I kept putting off getting up. My coughing had subsided and my breathing was much better. I’d think, “I’ll get up in half an hour.” Then, “I’ll get up in half an hour.” I’d already taken my morning meds so there was no pressure to do that. I lay in bed until almost 12:30.

When I did get up, it took a long time before I had the energy to get up and cross the room to open the door. My CIL brought me a glass of water.

By the time I had the water down, Cuz was home and she brought me my yogurt. I didn’t feel like eating but I forced it down. Then my CIL fixed my toast, applesauce and milk. The last few times I’ve tried to pour the milk, it was close to being a disaster so he goes ahead and fixes it and brings it in. I hate being so helpless. I’m like a baby. If I’m not cared for, I’ll die.

She gathered the used tissues up and disposed of them and asked if those few were all. Well, no. Some had fallen behind the bed. She used the “grab” she’d bought me to fish them out. There was a good-sized pile.

One of my calls yesterday was to the pharmacy at Walmart. I’d posted about the high cost of the cough medicine on their Facebook page and I’d been advised to call the pharmacy manager. He wouldn’t be in until today. When I talked to him, he said to have Cuz come in and they’ll refund the difference between what Kroger charges and what they charge.

Then I asked him about what was said to her when she got my pain med filled last time. He indicated that he was the one who had told her to get it filled elsewhere next time because the doctor isn’t what they consider “local”. He’ll talk to another pharmacist tomorrow and let me know what he decides about filling it there. I explained that I have a terminal disease and my being on pain medication is new. He wanted to know my diagnosis and he seems to think that may make a difference.

When I offered to have the cough med prescription transferred to Kroger so they wouldn’t have to override the price every time, he objected that it wouldn’t “look good” to have two meds of that type filled at different pharmacies. So…we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

BTW, they consider local as being within a 50 mile radius. I looked up the map and from that Walmart to the clinic, it’s 48.8 miles. So much for that argument.

I’ve felt pretty rocky today. When Cuz asked me what I wanted for supper, I told her crackers. Soup? No, just crackers. Saltines? Yes. So that’s what I’ve had. I’m wondering if my stomach is messed up because I’ve been taking my pain med without food. The dosing instructions say, “You may take this drug with or without food.” However, I had Cuz get a container to put the rest of the crackers in and I’ll take it with them so if that’s the problem, it should go away.

Instead of my tea tonight, I’m sipping on a Sprite. That’s the first one I’ve had since I was in the hospital over a year and a half ago. My stomach is feeling better. Saltines and Sprite should do it.

Once again, this post is ‘way too long. If you’ve read every word, I salute you. That’s all for this time. Good night.

8 Responses to All Better Now

  1. Paul from UR October 13, 2016 at 12:04 am #

    Hope you have a better night, Tommie – and a good day tomorrow!

    • Tommie October 13, 2016 at 1:05 pm #

      Thanks, Paul. A better night but my stomach still isn’t happy.

  2. Merry October 13, 2016 at 6:08 am #

    Tommie, good morning.
    I’m praying you had a restful night.
    Coughing drains your energy and you don’t have reserved energy.
    If you need to rest, then just do it.
    *
    Thanks for sharing DD post…I think most women have experienced some form of sexual harassment.
    Weather they called it that. Some excuse it with ‘boys will be boys.’
    *
    Tommie, rest all you need to…

    • Tommie October 13, 2016 at 1:07 pm #

      All I can do is rest. I’m not able to get up and do anything else.

      Boys should be taught to be gentlemen. I know hormones rage but they shouldn’t take complete control.

  3. Alice Fontana October 13, 2016 at 10:21 am #

    Good morning Tommie!! You seem so much less stressed now that you are at Cuz’ and I’m glad.

    I’m anxiously awaiting Black Tom’s move to be near you. Sounds like it won’t be long. How about Gray? Is she already there or has she moved on?

    Continue to be positive my friend … God is with you always ….

    • Tommie October 13, 2016 at 1:10 pm #

      Yes, I’m less stressed and I’m thankful for that.

      Gray is so wild, there’s no way to catch him/her.

      God is the constant in my life. When I’m coughing in the middle of the night, He’s there. I wish He’d use His power to either heal me or let me go to that perfect rest.

      • Alice Fontana October 14, 2016 at 8:34 am #

        We’re on His timeclock, not our own. He must still have need for you here. You bless so many of His Children, here and on UR. Maybe that’s it tho painful as it might be for you. Bless you….

        • Tommie October 15, 2016 at 9:13 pm #

          I could surely use some relief. I praise the Lord for what I CAN do but I wish it didn’t hurt so much and make me so breathless.

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