Reflections

I’m not the center of the universe. I’m well aware of that and am generally satisfied with my lot in life. However, I’ve been thinking over the last few days and have had to face the fact that I’m disappointed.

When I got to my niece’s house, I fully expected to be able to spend a little quality time with my sisters. I know the honoree was my great niece and that was why her grandmother wanted me there. While I love all of them dearly, my primary reason for showing up was because I’d see my siblings. That’s a rare occurrence.

When I went in, there were hugs all around from the people I knew, including my sisters. Then they were off to visit or attend to preparations. I wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch. A few people came in that I knew but after we exchanged pleasantries, that was pretty much it.

I’m more of a wallflower than a mixer so I suppose a lot of what didn’t happen was my fault. After some more time passed, I made my way to the kitchen where the food was laid out for consumption. I ate more than I should have but it gave me something to do.

I did visit some with my nephew and I demoed my hearing aids for my sister. That took up maybe 15 minutes of the whole time I was there. DS1 and his family arrived and that gave me someone else to talk to for about a minute and a half. DS1 can carry on a conversation with anyone, anywhere, and he was in his element.

It was a relief to leave. When we got to DS1’s house, he asked me how my evening was. In some very ill-chosen words, I said I would prefer sticking a fork in my eye. That wasn’t quite accurate but I don’t enjoy crowds. I feel ill at ease and like an outsider.

That night wasn’t restful and I had to get up early to go to the graduation where I could see little (there was a projection of the activities on a screen but it was very light) and the surrounding noise caused me to turn my hearing aids off so I couldn’t hear much, either, except for the cheering and clapping. Couple the preceding with a riled-up gut and it was pretty intense.

My sisters, understandably, wanted to be with their families. After my part in the picture-taking was over, I took my leave. DS1 later told me one of my sisters evidently thought I’d be coming to my niece’s house after I shopped at the university supermarket. I was too exhausted to do anything but go to Walmart and on home. Besides, I didn’t know I was expected to do otherwise.

Yesterday, my sister admonished me that it’s important for us to get together. I agree. From what we did over the course of almost 24 hours, though, we were together about 1% of the time. Just being in the same vicinity doesn’t count. There has to be interaction.

I’ve said my piece. I have vented. It’s time to get off my soapbox.

Today was even warmer than yesterday. I’ve worn one of my Mother dresses and the front door was open much of the day. I heard a truck and looked out. It was my CIL so I didn’t have to feed the critters. I don’t mind feeding the Catz but the sugar babies make me nervous sometimes. If they’re active, I’m afraid they’ll escape from their cages and there’s no way I could catch them. My cousin said that would be okay—they couldn’t get out of the house. That’s not the point. No cage = no food.

The tree in front of the house has put on branches that were hanging over the compost bin. Whenever I’d take food scraps out, I’d get hit in the head by them. This afternoon, I took my little pruning shears and cut them back. Fortunately, they were still in the “twig” stage.

Twinkle is sprawled out on her chair. It must be nice not to have a care in the world. I envy her.

4 Responses to Reflections

  1. Denise May 21, 2014 at 9:28 pm #

    I hope you feel better now. I pray God will turn on your happy gene. 🙂

    • Tommie May 21, 2014 at 9:33 pm #

      Thanks, Denise. I would have preferred visiting when there wasn’t a something special going on but if there hadn’t been, I guess they wouldn’t have been there at all.

  2. Mary Jane May 22, 2014 at 6:37 am #

    Sorry you had such a disappointing time. The reception was not the family’s idea and, although it was a nice gesture, it did involve a lot of people and activity. I have admired your ability to relate to anybody and everybody, so was surprised at your feeling out of place. I have had that feeling many times! Too bad we’re so far apart, but that’s not likely to change in this lifetime.

    • Tommie May 22, 2014 at 7:26 am #

      I never feel at ease at that type gathering. I’ve always been the one who tries to blend into the background. No, at this stage, I believe we are pretty much settled where we are.

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